I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
