I'm really into asian looking animals
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
