take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
