Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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