i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
