is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
where am i from again
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize