My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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