ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize