She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
