He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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