Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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