hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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