why didn't you poke me back
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
