YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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