Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
