I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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