I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
