Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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