Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize