I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
