I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
