her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
