this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
