He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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