I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
