You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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