he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my being single is dangerous.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
