I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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