I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
