Banned from zoo.
Again?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize