so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
