how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're a waste of cheezeits
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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