Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
