Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
