I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
that's an acceptable place to lick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The uberlube is also flammable
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
