So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
