i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
