Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
