Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize