I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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