In America we eat man semen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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