I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sarcasm needs its own font
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize