last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
