Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
