i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
