I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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