I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
