guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im drinking this country out of the recession.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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