but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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