Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
