All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
