and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
