dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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