***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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