Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
birth control should be required to get into college
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
