every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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