just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
