just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
