he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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