Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
