just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
