i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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