i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
