imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
