This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
