I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
