Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
