How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
