Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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