...so i touched it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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