i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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