What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
