It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
