i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
