I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
