and you said cock pushups were impossible
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize