hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
