they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
