Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
