that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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