At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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