I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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