She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
