I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
