I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
