it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
