Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
