She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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