Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize