I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
