omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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