I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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