I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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