i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
a search helicopter?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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