similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize