Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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