We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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