I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
