You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sext me about skeletons
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize