you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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