Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
