my soul wont recognize me after tonight
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
