u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
ok first of all what the fuck
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize