Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
