I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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