i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
